A couple days ago I started to have trouble breathing. I'm asthmatic, so I grabbed my inhaler. After a little while I started to get light headed. I also noticed I was still breathing poorly, so it probably had nothing to do with my asthma.
Both things kept bothering me the entire day, tho I was feeling pretty good.
Yesterday morning I woke up with this dark feeling again. I felt depressed and like I wanted to cry... I grabbed my music and my puzzle book and sat on the couch. After an hour or so I started to have this heavy pressure on my chest and had the feeling I could have a panic attack any minute. I had still trouble breathing, so I watched my breathing closely and tried to stay calm. It worked for a while, but in the afternoon the panic attack came. I was in this garden center, it was not busy at all, but all of a sudden I just started to panic. I rushed to my car so people wouldn't see and texted some friends who know about my situation. They helped me to calm down again. After like 30 minutes I felt comfortable enough to drive home.
This made me realize that I need help. But again my demons were telling me that it's weak of I can't do this by myself.
This morning I read some posts on social media with the hashtag "#SickNotWeak". I realized I, once again, was listening to my demons. I shouldn't be listening to them, they don't tell the truth! So I made de decision to call the doctor and get a referral to the psychologist.
You're not weak when you reach out for help. You're sick, not weak. And when you are sick, you need to see a doctor who can help you. I'm really terrified of the psychologist, because I need to talk about fucked up things, every time I go there. Tho I'm not sure what's going on in my head right now, or what triggered it now, I'm sure my psychologist will find out, because he always does. I hope I can get an appointment soon 🙏🏻